We try to vary the topics featured in this column, well here's one that is truly for anoraks but also probably touches a nerve with most of us as it seems to me the only designs that really stand the test of time are of a more traditional nature. Thanks go to John for detailing his pet hobby and making sure the rest of us become more aware of some of the quirkier designs - Howard

The Year of Hideous Necks

By John Taylor                     

A recent conversation in a public house after a Town game got a few of us talking about fashion trends within the game-a very serious topic indeed. For some reason it started with Italians wearing vests under their shirts and looking like whimps when they exchanged shirts at the end of internationals. We then moved on to pet likes and dislikes in the ever-changing world of football fashions.

Probably top of my current list of pet hates is this trend over the past 7 years or so of goalkeepers wearing short-sleeved shirts-it just looks wrong and offends the eyesight, particularly with a pair of gloves. Outfield players wearing gloves is another thing that offends, especially with shorts sleeves, and when Marvin Robinson did that last season at Swindon, it had to put an end to his career as a Spireite.

Another one that grates somewhat is the trend of players having their sock tops pulled above the knees in the fashion of Thierry Henry. Now if you're stylish and French and blessed with phenomenal talent, you can just about get away with it, but if you're plying your trade at grounds such as Spotland, Millmoor and Saltergate, it just doesn't go. Down-to-earth manly stuff is what's required here.

That brings me on to alice bands-what's that all about? Middlesbrough keeper Ben Roberts was the first I remember, in our cup semi-final at Old Trafford, to wear one and he's even had a certain England captain also with Old Trafford connections following suit. I know that players who like to sport girly-long locks need to do something so they can keep their hair from their eyes in a game, but couldn't they use something a bit more bloke-like such as a boot lace, like the late Trevor Hockey used to use in his days at Bramall Lane in the early 70's.

Cycle shorts-they're another thing I can't stand on the football pitch, though they did start the trend towards longer playing shorts to hide these offensive articles and I do approve of them. Their forerunners, the very short tight shorts of the 80's were not a top-notch fashion item in my book. In a similar vein, the current Italian-style tight shirts as currently worn by Wales really don't cut the mustard. The theory is fine, that they aren't easy to tug for an opponent, but as a fashion item for the fan, they're a disaster. They just don't disguise the beer-gut, unlike the more prevalent looser-fitting shirts as favoured by most clubs these days. And, let's face it; more beer-gutted chaps wear replica footy shirts than do little kids, unlike the perception that the media like to perpetrate.

Referees and their sidekicks not wearing black is another fashion of which I don't approve. These people should blend into the background and be anonymous, not high visibility in green or yellow. It's one of the few things I like about the FA Cup-the referees wear black. It doesn't improve their performances, of course, but it does appeal to one's sense of tradition. Tradition leads me onto another piece of fashion nonsense: the yellow ball between November and February. Can any of us ever remember complaints about not being able to see a white ball in the dark winter months? The answer, I'm sure, is a resounding "no" and I'm convinced that the real reason for their appearance is the hand of commercialism again.

Talking of which, the recent trend of advertising on the back of shorts and shirts is a worry. Though Town's pioneering efforts in this area are tasteful, other clubs' may not be and it's a whole new area of potential degeneration in the fascinating world of football fashion. Not all current trends are bad, however. In recent years kits have improved considerably in the main, since the low days of the 80's when we saw disasters like the Arsenal bird-muck away shirt and Brighton's red and white striped away shorts. Goalie's kits have been the big winner in recent seasons with a return to plainish efforts and this season in particular we've seen many a keeper sporting a plain green jersey. It takes me back to my early days at Saltergate with John Roberts between the posts.

The new-fangled striped socks really aren't the thing though. Our current efforts with one front stripe are tolerable, but overall they're not to be encouraged and I hope they vanish soon. Another aspect to buck the trend of better outfits is the proliferation of hideous necks on shirts in the last year or so. The Manchester United thing with the lop-sided white bit and the Arsenal shirt with no edge at the back of the neck both are examples and look as if the manufacturer ran out of material to finish the shirts off properly. Even worse is the Monaco and Norwich away shirts, both of which have an odd shaped join at one shoulder instead of in the middle. This really is taking things too far! Eufa and FIFA should earn their keep and appoint a taste arbiter, though they almost did when Cameroon were fined for wearing a revolting one-piece thing more suited to Australian track sports than the football pitch.